Wednesday, April 29, 2015

5 Months!


Height:  idk because I haven't measured her yet :/ 
Weight: 13 lbs 6 oz
Clothes: some 3 month, some 6 month, some 3-6 month (all depends on the brand!) 
Diapers: still size 1... but very close to needing to go up a size!
Sleep: She is still sleeping in her own bed every night & I try to put her to sleep between 8-9. I don't swaddle her anymore because she's such a mover & roller now, but she tolerates it just fine! She usually wakes up to be fed around 3:30 or 4. Daddy has been spoiling me and waking up for these feedings every night this month! Usually by 6am she's ready to get out of bed (if daddy hasn't fallen asleep on the couch with her on his chest) so I will cuddle her for a little while then let her swing while I do my morning routine!
Diet: breast milk & baby food! Right now she is only getting baby food once/day after her evening bottle, but that will be increased really soon! She's tried squash, sweet potatoes, and carrots... Her favorite so far is carrots!
Toys: Ayla girl loves anything that lights up &/or makes noises & anything she can chew! She's learning how to grasp things better and usually takes it right to her mouth!
Milestones/firsts: Ayla is a tad behind some of her peers - but she was a preemie & I tend to forget that when comparing her to other babies... but she is doing so good! She rolled from back to belly on the floor for the first time on 4/10 and from back to belly to back on 4/12 and has been movin' & groovin' ever since! She has been doing MUCH better on her tummy since learning how to roll more consistently, but still gets mad sometimes when she "forgets" how to get back on her back! She is still working on her head control, but has gotten so much stronger this month!
Health: so far, so good!
Likes: she likes to talk, lay on her changing table & look up at her bows, and EAT! She loves to "stand" on our legs and to be up so she can look around! She is still loving bath time & I'm so curious to see how she will be this summer when we are able to take her swimming!
Dislikes: Ayla is such a happy baby & there isn't much she doesn't like... But if you are holding her and she is comfy the way she is, she does NOT want to be put down! That has turned into somewhat of a struggle this month, but I think part of that may be because of gas so it feels better to be up than to lay flat on her back... 
Misc: 




Friday, March 27, 2015

4 Months!



This has been a BIG month for our little family! On March 8th Ayla became a Christian through the sacrament of holy baptism! That evening she also rolled over from her back to her belly for the first time! Such a big girl! On March 9th I returned to work (sigh) but I know it was time. I'm not made to be a stay at home mom (because I would get nothing but snuggles done all day) but it was so hard to leave her at the same time. The only thing that made it easier was knowing she was at home being taken care of by someone who truly loves her! (We are so lucky that Brady's mom is able to take care of her while I'm at work!)
Here are some stats from this past month! 
Height:  23" - 5th percentile 
Weight: 11 lbs 8 oz - 5th percentile 
Clothes: 0-3 months 
Diapers: size 1 - mom prefers huggies snugglers or pampers swaddlers... I also like Luvs, but they aren't as popular & thankfully we still haven't had to buy our own since we were given so many at our diaper showers for Sloan & Ayla :)
Sleep: She tends to fight her sleep more these days, but it doesn't take long before she gives in. She naps during the day & was sleeping in her bassinet in our room at night... until one night (3/17) I laid her down for a "nap" in her crib and she just kept sleeping... until around 2 or 3 to be fed and then I put her back in her crib. Ever since then she has been in her room and seems to be sleeping much better in there. She goes to bed usually between 8-9 and wakes up around 3 and 630-7 to be fed. She just seems like she's such a good baby to me! I've started reading her a bedtime story most nights too :)

Diet: breast milk... I would guess an average of 3-4 oz per feeding, but she is really good about letting me know when she's done or wants more... I very much just follow her lead :) But on 3/26 we got to try baby food!! First up: squash! It wasn't love at first taste... but she finished her little bowl... with only a little mess!! ;)
 
Toys: She still loves her play mats, bouncer, & swing - especially the mobile on it!... I try to give her soft rattles to play with but she isn't very interested quite yet. Not sure if a bumbo counts as a "toy", but we are slowly introducing that too to try to help her get a little stronger :)

Milestones/firsts: she rolled from back to belly on 3/8/15 while on the couch with mommy! 
Health: perfect & thriving!
Likes: she likes to talk, lay on her changing table & look up at her bows, play patty cake, EAT, play on her pink play mat, car rides, and bath time!
Dislikes: we are still HATING tummy time - with a passion - but we still force her to do it some and it's hit or miss with how she will tolerate it... she usually doesn't last more than 5 minutes before she starts screaming!
Misc: one of my most favorite things right now is watching Ayla play with her hands... She has recently discovered them and seems to constantly play with them - especially when I'm feeding her! She loves to talk and laugh, and I just LOVE all of her sweet little noises! She's also started that pathetic/desperate cry stuff this month where it seems like she is just so miserable, until you pick her up - then she's magically healed! ;)

Sunday, March 15, 2015

the bitter sweetness of it all

I can't stop thinking about how strange these feelings I have are. I feel like I've lived two completely different lives in one {short} lifetime. I feel like everything with Sloan happened so long ago, but at the same time it feels like it was yesterday. It's so hard sometimes because my pregnancy with her truly was a happy and exciting time, but for the most part those aren't the memories that flood my mind when I think of her. What floods my mind is the pure sorrow and heartache that I felt & still feel to this day. What floods my mind are the memories of that dark {literally & figuratively} hospital room. Every heartwrenching moment of that night and morning and the days that followed are the memories I {mostly} think of when I think of her.

Then I see Ayla - who has brought so much light to my previously dark life. I still sometimes just stare at her and start crying tears of joy. She makes me SO happy! Happier than I ever knew was possible. It doesn't seem possible to know the deepest sorrow & the most pure joy in such a short time span - but I do. And that can be overwhelmingly confusing some days... well, most days. I would do anything to have both of my girls here with me. But at the same time I know that I would not have Ayla had I not had to give Sloan back to the Lord. I love both of my girls and could never choose one over the other - all I know is I believe Sloan had a huge hand in bringing me to where I am now and bringing Ayla into our lives. And for that, I am thankful.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

3 Months




Height:  21 3/4"
Weight: 9lbs 14oz
Clothes: NB & 0-3 months - She has definitely outgrown most of her newborn clothes this month & I packed up all but 4 outfits Tuesday :( 
Diapers: NB - was starting to look a little too small, so we moved her up to a size 1... which looked entirely too big! So for the time being we are sticking with NB until size 1 fits a little better :) As of today (2/26) she's only in size 1! Ayla still doesn't like diaper changes, but she doesn't like to be dirty either! 
Sleep: she naps during the day & is still sleeping in her bassinet in our room at night... she wakes up every 3-4 hours for feedings
Diet: breast milk
Toys: She still loves her play mats, bouncer, & swing - especially the mobile on it!... I try to give her soft rattles to play with but she isn't very interested quite yet. 
Milestones/firsts: not really a "milestone" for her - but it was for me - we survived our first grocery shopping trip with just the two of us this month! Yay us! {...& then she got RSV so we won't be returning to the grocery store together for quite some time!}
Health: Ayla got RSV this month :( I started to notice a very slight cough on 2/13 - so slight that I didn't think much of it. Then it continued & seemed to slowly get worse. I took her to the doctor on 2/15 (not her usual pediatrician) and was told it was just a cold. He said her lungs were clear and she didn't have a fever, so she wasn't tested for RSV or the flu. We were sent home and told to use the humidifier and take her into the bathroom with hot water running. I did exactly what we were told and checked her temp regularly. She never did get a fever, but continued to only get worse. I called the doctor Monday (the day after we first took her in) and told them she seemed to be worse & she was unknowingly exposed to pneumonia, but didn't have a fever. I was told "well her lungs were clear yesterday so nothing would have settled that quickly" and to keep doing what I was doing & call back if she had a fever. Tuesday she still seemed like she was getting worse and I could hear crackles and wheezing - without my stethoscope - so I called again. Finally she told me to go ahead and come back in. Almost immediately when the doctor saw her she told me it sounded like RSV, but they would test her to make sure. While we were waiting she explained that unfortunately there is no treatment and we just have to let it run its course if that's what it was. Sure enough the test came back positive. Before we were sent home she wanted to see what her oxygen saturation was & it was 76%! My heart immediately sank and when she started talking I told her I knew what she was going to say... She said "because she's a preemie & with her history I think it's best that she be admitted to the hospital..." I just started crying for a minute and stopped listening. Once I stopped she said the hope was that she would get over there, they would get a better reading, and she would go home the next day. I knew in the back of my mind that's not how this was going to play out - Ayla has yet to do anything how we all plan or think she will! When we got to our room they started hooking her up & her sats were good... For about a minute... then went back down to the 70s, so oxygen was applied to keep her sats >90%. She didn't need much at all - only 1/4L - but that little bit helped her so much! She got 2 neb treatments that day, but it made her pulse go higher than I was comfortable with & didn't seem to be very beneficial, so I requested that they be stopped & they were. Wednesday was definitely her worst day and the scariest for me. I tend to be relatively calm initially, and then start to think about all the possible complications that could arise, which makes my anxiety go through the roof! Plus, when she got worse and couldn't seem to get off of the oxygen it took me right back to her NICU days when she had what seemed like such a hard time getting off of the oxygen. When she was finally taken off of the oxygen in the NICU they just took it away, ran tests, then took her off of the pulse ox - which was a huge emotional hurdle for me to get over & caused SO much stress & fear for me! Then, like usual, after I had my mini-meltdown Ayla seemed to turn the corner and started to slowly improve. When she finally passed without her oxygen she would still dip down, but would come right back up and I was able to see it this time... thank God! She stayed 5 nights but is home and back to her happy self!
Misc: Ayla's personality is definitely starting to show more and more... and boy does she have a BIG one! When she gets mad she grunts - and I LOVE it! She's gotten so talkative this month and smiles back when you smile at her! She's a little on the impatient side (like her momma) and if I take too long to satisfy her need she gets a little loud and it seems like she's "fussing" at me! She loves to smack her lips - which is a HUGE pet peeve of mine so definitely something we will work on when she's a little older ;) She is still loving her paci and loves car rides... she lets us know when we stop that she isn't very happy about stopping! I just love her so much and she makes me happier than I ever thought I could be!
 


Wednesday, January 28, 2015

2 Months!



Height: 20 3/4" - 2nd percentile 
Weight: 8# 4oz - 1st percentile 
Clothes: newborn 
Diapers: newborn 
Sleep: still sleeping really well - wakes up every 3ish hours to eat :)
Diet: breast milk - 3-4 oz per feeding... & has also started spitting up more! 
Toys: she loves her swing, play mats, and bouncer 
Milestones/firsts: she rolled over from her tummy to her back for the first time on 1/23/15!!! 
Health: she is still perfectly healthy... But still has a paranoid momma! We took her to the dr for her first "sick visit" on 1/10 because I felt like she still looked really yellow and didn't think it was improving as quickly as it should. The doctor said she looked fine & they checked her bilirubin - which was still at 10, but that is not a treatable level. It was bothering me all week so I immediately felt better afterwards and was glad I took her in :) 

She also had her first trip to the ER this month... She started having cold/allergy symptoms on 1/20 but no fever and nothing extremely alarming. (Just lots of boogers and some green drainage from her left eye) Wednesday night she still didn't seem like she was feeling well & felt warm, but still didn't have a fever. We took her clothes off to try make her more comfortable and cool her down a little, and when she was sleeping she looked like she was retracting when she was breathing. I took a video and sent it to 2 of my nurse friends - who agreed with me and said that's what it looked like to them too. She didn't look like she was in "distress", but her breathing just didn't look normal to me so we decided to take her in. They did a chest x-ray (which was clear) and tested her for rsv & flu - both negative. They also suctioned her nose deeper than I could at home which seemed to give her some relief. The doctor said she saw what I was seeing, but thought she was just working a little harder because her nose was so congested. I felt kind of stupid for going in, but I'd rather be safe than sorry any day! 
Likes: rocking, swinging, eating, being swaddled, bath time, cuddling, & her paci 
Dislikes: tummy time, diaper changes, getting dressed, being strapped in the car seat 

Monday, January 5, 2015

1 MONTH!


What a busy month it has been for our sweet little Ayla Renae! Although she's only been home for 4 days, we  were so lucky to get to spend as much time as possible with her during her time in the NICU, which has allowed us to get to know her! She has come a long way from her first day of life and we are already SO proud of her & in love with her feisty little personality! She makes the cutest little faces and sometimes opens one eye to get a peek at her surroundings - I like to say she's nosy like her momma! 

Height: 19 1/4" - 1st percentile 
Weight: 5# 12oz - <1st percentile 
Clothes: preemie/newborn - newborn is still pretty big on her, but most preemie clothes are getting a little snug!
Diapers: preemie 
Sleep: she wakes up every 3{ish} hours to eat, but other than that is a perfect little sleeper!
Diet: breast milk (in a bottle)
Toys: nothing really quite yet...
Milestones/firsts: one of the biggest "milestones" for her was to master suck-swallow-breathe so she could EAT! Tube feedings were started (slowly) on 11/28 & we attempted to introduce her to a bottle on 11/30 but she wasn't interested at all!  They started her oral feedings very slowly as well & she took most of her first oral feeding (18mL out of 27mL) on 12/3. By 12/6 she finally mastered that skill & finished her first full bottle!! (38 mL) Once she did that her oral feedings continued to increase in frequency & quantity and her feeding tube was removed on 12/14!!!
Health: at her first dr appt on 12/26 her doctor said that we have a "healthy & perfect little girl!" Can't ask for anything better than that!! 
Likes: eating, rocking, sleeping 
Dislikes: diaper changes!!! 

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Ayla Renae - Birth Story


Ayla's birth story starts on Tuesday, November 25. That afternoon/evening I started having (what I assumed were) Braxton Hicks contractions. No big deal since I've been having them since around 24ish weeks. As I was doing laundry and dishes I noticed that they started getting more consistent than usual, and were anywhere from 6-8 min apart when I started timing them. I sat on the couch for a little while, but they continued. Brady was out of town and I was planning on staying at my parents' house that night, so I gathered what I thought I needed - which did not include my hospital bag or any baby items - and went to their house. As I was driving I kept timing my contractions and when I stopped driving I texted my nurse to let her know. When I got to my parents house I rested on the couch and drank a big cup of water, then called in some Manuel's for dinner. After I rested, ate, and drank, my contractions slowed down significantly - but still continued throughout the rest of the evening. They were very short and didn't feel any different than what I had been experiencing, so I didn't think much of it.

Around midnight I decided I wanted to take a bath and shave my legs. I went to the restroom and lost what I was pretty sure was my mucous plug. There wasn't any blood with it, so again, I didn't think much of it and thought it could still be weeks so I was OK. I knew I had an appointment the next day that I was planning to cancel, but then decided I probably needed to be seen... just to make sure! I slept fine that night, other than the usual interruptions to empty my bladder!

Wednesday morning I texted my nurse again to let her know that I lost what I thought was my mucous plug the night before. (You know you have a good nurse when you can send her a pic to verify that's what it was!) So she talked to the doctor when she got to work that morning and told me that he wanted me to come in now to be checked. I was so not prepared to go in that minute - I thought I would just be checked at my scheduled appointment that evening - but nope! So I got dressed and headed that way... not at all prepared - mentally or any other way - for what was to come! I definitely did not feel like I was in labor so I felt more than confident that he would just check me and send me home with orders to rest and hydrate... but clearly that was not the case!

When I got to his office around 9:30 they hooked me up to the NST and baby was moving, but I asked for a snack because I hadn't had much yet to eat since I was rushed off the couch and to the doctor! Before I could even start eating my snack Dr. G came in to check me. I was 3cm and 60% effaced with some bloody show. I started to tear up and freak out a tad. He moved me to the ultrasound room to check on baby. I didn't even look at the ultrasound because I was so anxious and was scared I would get a peek of the gender since he was moving somewhat quickly. As he was doing the ultrasound he said "it's funny because I had a feeling Monday that you wouldn't make it past the weekend..." (It would have been nice for him to fill me in on this little premonition! :-P) He then told me he wanted me to go to L&D to be monitored. I asked him what I needed to tell Brady, because he was hunting in South Texas and was on stand-by. He told me to just tell him that I was going to L&D to be monitored and we would know more in an hour or so, but he didn't need to leave to come home now. I asked the doctor what he thought was going to happen, and he said "well you had 3 contractions while I was doing the ultrasound, so if not tonight, it won't be long". So I told Brady what the doctor told me to and he said OK. Then, when I told him that I was 3cm and 60% effaced he immediately wrote me back and said "I'm on the way". I reminded him that we didn't have a plan and told him I would feel bad if nothing happened, but I had a feeling we would be having a baby that night. He said deer hunting can wait and was on his way! Thank God he decided to leave when he did, because on his way to the hospital there was a wreck and he had to take a 70 mile detour - getting him to the hospital about an hour before they took me to the OR.

When I got to L&D they put me in a room (I made sure it was not the same room Sloan was born in) & started hooking me up. I don't even know how to describe the emotions I was feeling in that moment. When it came time to find the baby's heartbeat and I heard it, I just started sobbing and covered my face with my hands. It tears me up right now just thinking about it again. I know I had just heard it minutes earlier, but something about being in a labor and delivery room and hearing that sound made me so happy and so sad all at the same time, and brought back so many memories of the last time I was in that place.

They started asking me all the usual admission questions and got my vitals, then just sort of let me hang out until the doctor came back to check me, which was around 1215. I had progressed to almost a 4 and was 80% effaced. I was feeling the contractions, but still didn't feel like they were "real" and they were very tolerable! He told me we would be having a baby tonight and asked me if Brady had left yet. I told him yes and he laughed and said "that's a good daddy" - because he knew he came without me telling him to. I let Brady know that we were definitely having a baby that night and he reassured me that he was on the way! I had already let our moms know that there was a possibility that I was in labor just so they would know, and had my mom on standby to go to my house and get everything - because I had NOTHING with me! Then I had Brady's mom on extra standby in case my mom forgot anything or I forgot to tell her something to bring! I called Brady and asked him what color shirt my mom needed to bring him - pink or blue - but he wouldn't tell me. He said "I can't tell you... then you won't be surprised". So I had my mom bring one of each! I asked Brady's mom to let his sister know and called my mom to see if she had let my sisters know. She hadn't yet - so I called them to let them know. They were both shocked and excited and said they would be there when I was ready to have them there! Because of my history, I was already scheduled to deliver early via c-section (because baby was breech) on 12/8, so our families already had their instructions on what the "plan" would be that day for them. From day one I knew I didn't want anyone to be at the hospital when baby was born, and they were very respectful of that. (I think that's the only "plan" that worked out - every  other one completely fell through... which didn't surprise me too much because this baby has had its own agenda this entire pregnancy!)

Considering I was in labor and in the hospital all by myself, the time went pretty fast... until it got closer to the time we planned on doing the c-section. I actually enjoyed being alone for most of the day, because I had time to soak it all in and think about how much it had taken to get me to that point. I couldn't believe I had actually made it this far - to the hospital, in labor, listening to a healthy baby's heartbeat. I had started to think that having a living baby in my arms was such an unattainable goal - but here I was - almost at the finish line. (or so I thought)

Brady finally got there around 5:30 and changed into his PINK shirt! I kind of had a feeling he thought it was a girl, but he would never tell me what he thought!! (another one of my "plans" was to wear blue to the hospital, but coincidentally since I stayed at my parents all I had with me was one outfit - which consisted of a pink shirt that I wore to the doctor and the hospital). This is when the time started to creep. I texted my nurse again to ask if Dr. G was almost done, and she said he was! I was getting so antsy!!!

The nurse took me back to the OR at 6:35. I got my spinal and they laid me down. My legs felt like they weighed a thousand pounds each and I immediately got nauseous! The anesthesiologist sped up my fluids and that helped significantly! It wasn't long before I couldn't feel anything and Dr. G and the doctor who would be assisting him walked in the room. Before they started I asked if they could say a prayer, so Dr. G did once Brady got in the room. I was so happy and so scared all at the same time. They told me they were starting, and not long after that I asked how much longer. (Patience is definitely something I lack most of the time!) It was decided before they started that Brady would announce the gender, so when they told him to stand up I knew it was almost time. I kept asking him "is it coming yet?" and he kept shaking his head no. Finally I heard them say "ok Brady..." and then I heard them say "hold on...." then all of a sudden Brady looked over the drape and said "huh..." then looked down at me and said "its a GIRL!" I was shocked! They pulled down the drape and held her up so I could get a quick peek at her, and she looked so tiny! Like a little plastic baby doll! I started crying and just kept asking "is she ok??" I heard her crying some so I knew she was alive, but I also knew she was just so small. I kept trying to see her while the nurses were working with her, but I couldn't get a good view.  I remember looking at the monitor & it saying her O2 sats were in the 70s - with the oxygen - and thinking "well that can't be right", but I just kept waiting to hear how she was. Finally they told me she was fine, but they were giving her oxygen to help her out. We asked how much she weighed, but since they were having to help her out so much they hadn't weighed her yet. Dr. G said he guessed she was 4# 12oz. Not long after that they weighed her and said she weighed 4# 13oz! Dr. G jokingly said "she would have weighed 5 pounds if you wouldn't have jogged so much!" The rest of the OR is kind of hazy, but I remember little pieces. I remember crying alot. I remember them telling me she was going to the NICU, but weren't sure for how long. I remember being so naive and thinking she would only be there for 30 minutes-24 hours. {They did a very good job of keeping me calm in that moment, because I had no clue she was as "sick" as she was...} I remember them wrapping her up, bringing her to me, and letting me kiss her before they took her away. I also remember having random conversations with the people in the room and chiming in on their conversations that didn't involve me after she left the room.

Finally, everything was done and I was taken back to my room. I remember sitting in there and seeing the empty baby bed and wondering how much longer until they brought my baby to me. I had no idea what was going on, but felt so optimistic that it wouldn't be long. I texted our families - who had been waiting impatiently in town to hear from us - to let them know that baby was here, but was in the NICU and I would let them know when they could come meet "it". After being told that baby wouldn't be coming to my room any time soon by the neonatal nurse practitioner, we decided Brady would go to the NICU with the pink hat I brought along (I also had a blue one) to take pictures of her so we could announce her gender to our family. (we also told a little fiblet and said my photographer was my sister so she could go get some good shots!) After that, I finally texted our families again - who were waiting downstairs by this point - to let them know that it would be a while before we got to see her, but they could come see me and we would show them pictures. It seemed like no time at all passed and they were in my room. When everyone was in the room I turned my phone around to reveal the picture of our beautiful baby girl with her pink hat & bow on! Most of our family was shocked - only 4 people out of 13 were wearing pink... and 2 of those 4 were our nieces who wanted it to be a girl! They asked what her name was, but we didn't have one. I was so convinced we were having a "Trey Allen" that we never did fully agree on a girl name! Not long after our families came in, Dr. G came in to visit. He said "what's with all the blue?!" and then told us how every week he had to listen to me say I thought it was a boy and he knew since 14 or 15 weeks that it was a girl! He definitely put on a good poker face and had me reading into everything he said at every appointment! I asked him when I would be able to see her, and he told me as soon as I could move well enough to get into a wheelchair I could go see her. I could hardly wait, but luckily visiting with our family helped the time pass! After our sisters left we let our parents know that they would be able to see her after I got to see her, but because of cold and flu season they would be the only visitors allowed.

FINALLY around 11pm I could move well enough to transfer to a wheelchair to go to the NICU to see our baby! My post partum nurse wasn't the most compassionate person in the world, and as we are entering the NICU she tells me "it's very touch and go right now". My emotions went from pure excitement to pure fear. I asked what she meant and she told me that baby was just having a very hard time right now. Shock set in - again - and became my best friend. Then we got to the NICU and I got to see her & meet her nurse, Peggy. Thank God for Peggy! She made me feel so much better about the situation and didn't make it sound quite as critical as the other nurse did... But I was still such an emotional wreck and was crying so hard that I could barely speak. (I don't even remember what all I was trying to say, other than requesting that her IV not be put in her head if they had to rotate the site...) She looked like she was in so much pain and was working so hard to breathe. I remember looking at the monitors in such a dazed & confused way & knowing her vitals weren't that great. I only got to see her for a few minutes before they took me out, because she started getting worse, so they wanted to give her something to help her but we couldn't be in the room while they did it. I went back to my room where our parents were waiting and they could tell how upset I was. They said they would leave, but I wanted them to be able to see their newest granddaughter when it was ok again. Sometime around or after midnight someone came in to let us know that she was given surfactant, was doing better, and the grandparents could go in but had to be very quiet. Brady took them down to the NICU so they could see her, and when they came back they were all smiles, looked so relieved, and told me how well she seemed to be doing. We all visited for a little while longer, my mom went to get me some food, and then they were all on their way. I couldn't sleep at all that night. I don't remember exactly how it happened, but around 2:45am we went back down to the NICU so we could see her again. She was so much better and I was actually able to touch her this time. I felt so much better when I left that visit than I did after the first visit and was able to get a little sleep that night, and was back to feeling very optimistic!

The next 26 days of her life were spent in the NICU, and it was definitely a huge emotional rollercoaster & was so scary at times, but now she is happy, HEALTHY, and home - and that's all I've wanted for what seems like forever! :))