Week 16

I think I'm officially in full on nesting mode! I have been going through everything in our house - trashing things, reorganizing things, giving things away, cleaning things, and the list goes on! I am still tired some and have taken a nap or two this week! I planned on trying to eat better, but I seem to still have no self control as i stuff my face with whatever my stomach desires! It is still hard to stay motivated, but I'm still walking/jogging most days out of the week! It is SO HOT these days!! 

My skin is starting to itch... which can only mean one thing: time to break out the stretch mark cream! (which I did last night!) Hopefully it works as well this time around as it did last time!

I'm 90% sure I felt REAL baby movements late last night (not just flutters)... and LOTS of them!!! :)

(we forgot to take my 16 week pic on Sunday so we just took them this morning before my jog... that would explain the hair style I'm rocking in these pics! :-P)

Thursday night (7/24) I had a dream about <visitation from> Miss Sloan. I don't know where we were, or what we were doing, but it was definitely her. I had a dream about her around her 10 month anniversay, and she looked just like that - but older. She had little, round baby teeth, blue eyes, and light brown/sandy blonde curly hair - it was short for her age - still mostly on top of her head. She was walking. Her body was so proportionate - she still had some baby fat, but not big, chunky thigh rolls. She had on a white onesie with a small pink and purple embroidered message on it. I don't remember exactly what it said, but it was intended to let people know that she had gone to Heaven, but that she was still here. I remember walking around with her on my hip, with my little baby bump protruding. It was so vivid and so real. I love dreams like that. Those are the dreams I hate waking up from.

Friday I went to my mom's and told her all about my dream. She was amazed and told me about something that had happened Thursday during the day. She had taken my niece and nephew to Splashway on Thursday and told me about how it started out to be a "rough" day and turned out to be such a good one. She told me about how she talked to Sloan, and asked if she helped them to have a good day. She also asked her "Will you help your mommy with your baby brother or sister?" I wholeheartedly believe that Sloan heard my mom loud and clear and came to me that night to show me, once again, that she is okay - and so is this baby.

And then... Saturday started with a little hiccup. I woke up and started getting ready to go jog, but kept feeling sharp pains in my lower abdomen. I'm very well awre of round ligament pain, and tried to convince myself that that's all it was - but i knew that with the way my crazy mind works I wouldn't be at ease until I was told that that's waht it was. So I texted my sweet nurse to let her know what was going on and she told me that my doctor was on call so to go ahead and call the office. He told me that's probably what it was, but told me to rest, hydrate, take Tylenol and use a heating pad and to call him back if it didn't get any better. Well by 3:30 or so it still wasn't better so I called him back. He told me he couldn't really tell me anything without seeing me, but I could to the ER if I wanted to. I told him I didn't want to overreact but it hasn't gotten any better. He reassured me and told me to just keep resting and hydrating. I was driving myself crazy thinking of all the possibilities. It was like the rational part of me knew that it was perfectly normal, but the traumatized part of me kept saying "but what if it's not". I was so close to going to the ER just so I could hear my baby's heartbeat, but then remembered I had a friend who had a doppler. I texted her and asked if I could borrow it. My mom went to her house and picked it up for me. I used it as soon as i could. I easily found our baby's heartbeat and was instantly put at ease. :) I texted Brady immediately - who was on standby in case I decided to go to the ER - to let him know that I heard it and I think he was just as relieved as I was... even though he was presenting himself in a much more calm and confident manner while I was freaking myself out! I was trying to refrain from buying a doppler for so many reasons, but ended up ordering my own as soon as I got off the phone with the doctor that morning. I figured the positives of having one would weigh out the negatives! 

Baby's heart rate Saturday afternoon :)

Week 15

We had another appt Tues 7/15 and got to see our precious little wild child again! They weren't planning on doing an ultrasound at this appointment, but I was expecting to have one so I asked for one... and of course they obliged! Dr. G told Brady I was spoiled, but I told him that they are the ones that spoiled me by giving me an ultrasound every time so far, so it wasn't my fault! :-P When we did the ultrasound we saw it do a flip, hide it's "private parts" with its hands, and even saw it scratching it's tiny little hiney! [it MUST be a boy! ;)] HR was 152. The doctor tried to determine gender, but we turned our heads and didn't look at the screen. It is getting harder and harder for me not to find out this time. Mainly because I just want to SHOP! But I know if I found out before delivery I would be disappointed in myself, because I really do want it to be a surprise. I agreed to not having an ultrasound at our next appointment, and will be fine just hearing it's thumping little heart! 

It is getting SO hard for me to stay motivated to stay active, but I'm still trying! My diet has officially completely gone out the window and I still seem to just eat anything and everything!! Cheeseburgers and fries are still my meal of choice, but if I see a commercial for food, chances are I will be craving whatever was just advertised! My poor body... :/ 

I had a bit of an emotional breakdown today. The fear of losing this baby too set in and took over for a little while. Seeing how active this baby is makes me SO happy, but scares me to death all at the same time. I'm confident that we have my meds adjusted properly, so I have no doubt that medically everything will be ok with what my body does. My biggest fear now is of a cord accident. I know all babies move and are active, and I know that is a good thing. But I also know that cord accidents do happen and there isn't anything that can be done to prevent them. I woke up just feeling so emotional and so scared. I immediately called my mom to talk to her about it and started crying. When I hung up the phone I was still crying. I curled myself into a ball, held my stomach, and prayed out loud to God to "please don't take this baby too". I'm trying my best to stay as positive and as faithful as I can, but some days it is definitely harder than others. It's like I can see myself holding a living baby, but I know what it is to hold a dead baby too - and the fear of having to do that again is what took over. Almost like a defense mechanism, trying to prepare me for that possibility. It is so hard to explain. I think what triggered it was having dinner last night with Brady's parents, his boss, and his boss' wife - we were talking about how active and funny the baby already is and showing ultrasound pictures around the table. It almost felt like deja vu. I remember Brady being so happy and proud when I was pregnant with Sloan. And I remember him wanting to show off the ultrasound pictures to our friends and family. But I also remember the pure agony written all over his face when she was born. I so do not want to have to go through that again, and I definitely don't want him to go through that again either. After I composed myself a little bit, I texted one of my absolute best friends and asked her if she was scared when she was pregnant again after losing her daughter. She reassured me that she was, and sent me the bible verse that she would read when she was feeling scared - John 14:27. I love that verse and will definitely try to remind myself of that often! I am still so happy, excited, and counting down to December! But this is my reality, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't ever scared... I am just praying SO hard that we have a different ending {and beginning} this time around...

Week 14

I definitely think I'm feeling little flutters every once in a while, and sometimes I think I feel a "real" kick or movement - but I'm not completely sure yet! Everything is pretty much the same... I'm still tired, still eating everything in sight but still walking and jogging as often and as long as I can! The nausea is starting to decrease, but then some nights it comes back in full force! I'm just so excited everything is still going great and progressing like it should!

(a couple post workout pics)

Week 13

This week I went to Yogi Bear Park with my mom, sister, niece and nephew. We had lots of fun!!... But, I felt like a whale in my bikini!! :/ I'm in that awkward stage of pregnancy where I don't look pregnant, but I don't feel like this is "my" body either... but I'm not complaining! :) I'm still eating everything in sight, but still walking and jogging. I had another appointment yesterday that Brady wasn't able to go to because he was too busy at work and it was a morning appointment. Everything was great! I got to see baby sucking it's thumb and it is measuring a week AHEAD!!! HR was 156 bpm and it is still very active! So exciting! :)))