4 Months!

This has been a BIG month for our little family! On March 8th Ayla became a Christian through the sacrament of holy baptism! That evening she also rolled over from her back to her belly for the first time! Such a big girl! On March 9th I returned to work (sigh) but I know it was time. I'm not made to be a stay at home mom (because I would get nothing but snuggles done all day) but it was so hard to leave her at the same time. The only thing that made it easier was knowing she was at home being taken care of by someone who truly loves her! (We are so lucky that Brady's mom is able to take care of her while I'm at work!)

Here are some stats from this past month! 

Height:  23" - 5th percentile 

Weight: 11 lbs 8 oz - 5th percentile 

Clothes: 0-3 months 

Diapers: size 1 - mom prefers huggies snugglers or pampers swaddlers... I also like Luvs, but they aren't as popular & thankfully we still haven't had to buy our own since we were given so many at our diaper showers for Sloan & Ayla :)

Sleep: She tends to fight her sleep more these days, but it doesn't take long before she gives in. She naps during the day & was sleeping in her bassinet in our room at night... until one night (3/17) I laid her down for a "nap" in her crib and she just kept sleeping... until around 2 or 3 to be fed and then I put her back in her crib. Ever since then she has been in her room and seems to be sleeping much better in there. She goes to bed usually between 8-9 and wakes up around 3 and 630-7 to be fed. She just seems like she's such a good baby to me! I've started reading her a bedtime story most nights too :)

Diet: breast milk... I would guess an average of 3-4 oz per feeding, but she is really good about letting me know when she's done or wants more... I very much just follow her lead :) But on 3/26 we got to try baby food!! First up: squash! It wasn't love at first taste... but she finished her little bowl... with only a little mess!! ;)

 

Toys: She still loves her play mats, bouncer, & swing - especially the mobile on it!... I try to give her soft rattles to play with but she isn't very interested quite yet. Not sure if a bumbo counts as a "toy", but we are slowly introducing that too to try to help her get a little stronger :)

Milestones/firsts: she rolled from back to belly on 3/8/15 while on the couch with mommy! 

Health: perfect & thriving!

Likes: she likes to talk, lay on her changing table & look up at her bows, play patty cake, EAT, play on her pink play mat, car rides, and bath time!

Dislikes: we are still HATING tummy time - with a passion - but we still force her to do it some and it's hit or miss with how she will tolerate it... she usually doesn't last more than 5 minutes before she starts screaming!

Misc: one of my most favorite things right now is watching Ayla play with her hands... She has recently discovered them and seems to constantly play with them - especially when I'm feeding her! She loves to talk and laugh, and I just LOVE all of her sweet little noises! She's also started that pathetic/desperate cry stuff this month where it seems like she is just so miserable, until you pick her up - then she's magically healed! ;)

the bitter sweetness of it all

I can't stop thinking about how strange these feelings I have are. I feel like I've lived two completely different lives in one {short} lifetime. I feel like everything with Sloan happened so long ago, but at the same time it feels like it was yesterday. It's so hard sometimes because my pregnancy with her truly was a happy and exciting time, but for the most part those aren't the memories that flood my mind when I think of her. What floods my mind is the pure sorrow and heartache that I felt & still feel to this day. What floods my mind are the memories of that dark {literally & figuratively} hospital room. Every heartwrenching moment of that night and morning and the days that followed are the memories I {mostly} think of when I think of her.

Then I see Ayla - who has brought so much light to my previously dark life. I still sometimes just stare at her and start crying tears of joy. She makes me SO happy! Happier than I ever knew was possible. It doesn't seem possible to know the deepest sorrow & the most pure joy in such a short time span - but I do. And that can be overwhelmingly confusing some days... well, most days. I would do anything to have both of my girls here with me. But at the same time I know that I would not have Ayla had I not had to give Sloan back to the Lord. I love both of my girls and could never choose one over the other - all I know is I believe Sloan had a huge hand in bringing me to where I am now and bringing Ayla into our lives. And for that, I am thankful.